Sunday, 20 December 2009

The Worse Christmas gift...

The Worse Christmas gift I can remember being given is also the funniest Christmas gift I can remember ever given, but I need to set the scene for you.

My MIL and her husband are what one might call old fashioned. My MIL seems to be oblivious to a lot of the world, or at least the bit where slang terms originate from. I can not say I possess that quality myself and I have taken much delight in the past from being very naughty whilst in her home and using some phrases that may or may not have a double meaning... so far I haven't been caught by anyone other than my BIL who quietly smirked whilst sitting on the sofa and indeed joined in with this new game.

Now the year before last we went round to her home early on Christmas morning, (she goes to Church with her husband for the Christmas Day Morning Service and so we need to be there pre 8:30am). It isn't a pretty sight. I need breakfast and some time to wake up so I can be on top form mentally to think up my double entendres and the such and at 8:30am on Christmas Day I am still thinking about sugar plums dancing because I normally end up staying up to 2am on Christmas Eve trying to catch Santa.

So we were handing out gifts and I was sitting on the sofa in the corner trying to smile away the hangover "without-having-drunk-any-alcohol" feeling I had. My MIL then handed me my gift and I unwrapped it whilst wondering what delights were in store for me this year.

Inside was an apron.

But that wasn't the worst part. I would of quite liked a new apron.

The apron had a picture of a topiary tree on it and the phrase "Keep your bush neat and tidy" and it was positioned in such a way that the Double entendre of the phrase was quite obvious.

I laughed. I thought that it was funny. Although I did want to know why my garden was being questioned by my MIL and an apron.

My MIL looked at me with a look of relief.

"I'm glad that you think it is funny, I was worried you would be offended!" she offered
"No I think it is funny!" I said passing the apron to Daddy and thinking my little game would have to stop.

It was two days later that Daddy got a text message from his Mother, asking him to apologise to me on her behalf. She had just found out what the apron meant from her more worldly in matters such as these husband...

So I could never wear the apron again knowing that the apron had been given in more innocence than it first seemed.... at least I can keep playing my game when we go round!

Now let me hear the worst of your gifts!
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