There's nothing happening here today, so feel free to move along and not to read this. Everything that I want to say is coming out wrong and I would rather that it didn't. I am such a happy person to everyone that sees me, but really I am very dark on the inside. I beat myself up a lot over things that I probably couldn't control even if I tried, but even though the rational me knows this I can't stop it.
I worry that I am not the kind of parent that Top Ender and Baby Boy need. I want to hug them more, hold them close and take away all the problems that they could ever face but I can't do that. They won't let me. And I wouldn't take away all the problems. They need to make some mistakes to learn right?
I worry that I am not the kind of wife that Daddy deserves. I love him as much as I can, but he deserves better. And he at least deserves one that doesn't fall asleep half way through a conversation.
I worry that I am not the kind of daughter that my Mum deserves or the sister that my sister deserves. I should thank them more for being the Mum that I want and need and the sister that sends me rude jokes.
I worry about the future, I fret on the past. Just for a change on Wednesdays I fret about the future and worry about the past.
I worry that one day I will be alone. I worry that one day I won't be alone.
I worry that one day I will stop thinking any thoughts. I worry that I won't ever stop thinking.
With all this worry I am surprised I don't have more lines on my brow. Great now I am worried about lines on my brow.
I'm going to bed before I start worrying about something else.