A Mothers Ramblings: Probably best if you come back tomorrow

Monday, 22 February 2010

Probably best if you come back tomorrow

There's nothing happening here today, so feel free to move along and not to read this. Everything that I want to say is coming out wrong and I would rather that it didn't. I am such a happy person to everyone that sees me, but really I am very dark on the inside. I beat myself up a lot over things that I probably couldn't control even if I tried, but even though the rational me knows this I can't stop it.

I worry that I am not the kind of parent that Top Ender and Baby Boy need. I want to hug them more, hold them close and take away all the problems that they could ever face but I can't do that. They won't let me. And I wouldn't take away all the problems. They need to make some mistakes to learn right?

I worry that I am not the kind of wife that Daddy deserves. I love him as much as I can, but he deserves better. And he at least deserves one that doesn't fall asleep half way through a conversation.

I worry that I am not the kind of daughter that my Mum deserves or the sister that my sister deserves. I should thank them more for being the Mum that I want and need and the sister that sends me rude jokes.

I worry about the future, I fret on the past. Just for a change on Wednesdays I fret about the future and worry about the past.

I worry that one day I will be alone. I worry that one day I won't be alone.

I worry that one day I will stop thinking any thoughts. I worry that I won't ever stop thinking.

With all this worry I am surprised I don't have more lines on my brow. Great now I am worried about lines on my brow.

I'm going to bed before I start worrying about something else.