You see, for the last few weeks Britain has been having a spell of beautiful weather and it was thanks to me, not those patches of high pressure or low pressure or it being Summer and therefore the weather should be sunny and warm...
Why was it me that was causing it?
Because I was gardening.
I had huge plans for my back garden, digging up the borders, getting rid of weeds, expanding the patio, clearing the junk off my driveway... and I ran out of steam with it or rather I lost heart. The effort I was making seemed to be disproportionate to the amount of work it seemed I had done.
I was doing the garden in sections, I figured it would be the easiest way and so having started outside the house on the patio and then moving up to the apple tree and then to the boarder space between the apple tree and the pear tree, the space between the pear tree and the plum tree, the space between the plum tree and the back fence... but the problem was as soon as I moved onto a new section the previous sections needed my attention again.
Weeds grow all the time.
Seriously, they grow overnight and at lunch and when I not looking because they want to wear me down and so I stopped gardening because it was all getting a bit much and I was taking the weed growth as personal and possibly having a little breakdown because weeds aren't malicious nor are they out to get me (Ivy is though, ivy is malicious and out to get me).
I wasn't standing outside in the heat getting muddy and sweaty whilst trying to dig up plants and weeds and border edges and suddenly the weather turned horrid. The only explanation is that I control the weather or that the weather fancies me and so is only hot when I'm out in the garden.
And people noticed, even Wilko's noticed and offered to send me a Garden Hamper to get back out in the garden because they knew that I am the reason the sun wasn't shining as brilliantly as it had been.
So I'm going back out into the garden for you people of Britain. I'm going to make use of the weed killer and the grass feed. I'm going to chop things up and water other things that I haven't chopped up and can you tell I still don't know much about gardening?
And if there is another heat wave then you may thank me Britain by enjoying it, putting on your sunscreen and maybe doing a bit of gardening yourself.
Wilkinson's sent me the rather lovely Garden Hamper because they said they thought I deserved it after having worked so hard in my garden. We all know really though it's because they want the good weather back.