When I think back to this year, I of course remember some terrible moments, but I also remember some amazing moments that make this year a very hard year to say goodbye to.
Part of me doesn't want to say goodbye to the year and I tried to explain this to a friend earlier this evening but I'm not sure it makes sense. I don't want to say goodbye to 2022, because my Mum was alive in 2022 and I feel like saying goodbye to the year is saying goodbye to her again.
Losing my Mum did honestly break me, despite the face that I showed to the world at the time. Organising her funeral, having a wake, clearing out her flat, the stress of the post-mortem and them not finding a reason for her death to start with and then me not taking the time to grieve... well I don't recommend this course of action to anyone.
This year there have been moments when I have felt lost. Moments where I have felt that I was never going to find my way back to me again. Moments that saw me reach the real lows of depression, deciding on a course of action that meant the fact I'm sat on my sofa in my living room on New Year's Eve nothing short of a miracle.
Flyfour has said that I've changed this year and he's right I have.
Maybe some of the changes haven't been for the better, but I think that as I grow into myself again, and relearn my balance and my limitations that those changes will turn out to have been for the better and I will be stronger for the changes and for the experiences I have had.
This year has had so many amazing moments though.
The way in which my friends and family have shown me love and support has been phenomenal and has given me a new understanding of how badly I understand my place in this world.
I got to backpack around Europe, showing myself how strong I was and giving me a much-needed confidence boost. Yes, I know you all think I'm confident already, but it's actually a big act and I'm a scared, unconfident and shy wuss deep down!
I discovered just how much my HIIT classes mean to me, and how much the women who go to these classes with me mean to me (they are honestly some of my best friends) and again they have taught me a lot about myself.
This year I have learnt so much more about my friends, have made so many more who are so important to me and come closer to them and can't wait for the crazy adventures that we're going to have in 2023 and beyond.
I've learnt more about my siblings and my niblings this year than I thought possible and I am so grateful to them all for the amazing people that they are.
I've had opportunities with my family and developed the relationships I have with Dan Jon and Top Ender and Flyfour to levels I didn't know our relationships could be elevated to.
I'm sad to be leaving 2022, but excited for the lessons it taught me to be expanded upon.