One of the worst things anyone can ever say to me is "You decide", which is exactly what someone said to me last month after I'd given them three different poster designs to choose from. If another person hadn't voiced their opinion (which I then rapidly agreed with) then I'd probably still be trying to decide today over a month later.
I don't make decisions.
Well, that isn't quite true. There are times when I need to make choices and I do that by either following a gut instinct, researching something within an inch of my sanity, working out what is the most logical and rational choice and taking that or buying what my Mum says.
Not making decisions is actually really easy.
My perfume, for example, is one that I've worn for over twenty-five years now. Calvin Klein Escape is the one brand of perfume I wear, although nothing takes me back to my teens like a whiff of White Musk from The Body Shop! I don't need to decide to do it, it is just what I wear.
If I go to a restaurant, I either order the same as the person I'm eating with, the same thing I've ordered since I was old enough to "decide" for myself or I've studied the menu so well in advance that I know exactly what to have because of an elaborate pro and con list that I've worked up for each dish. I don't need to think about this, it's just what I do.
At work, I do the tasks assigned to me the most logical order (to me, other people may think I'm crazy!), taking into consideration deadlines and timings and making the most of the odd moment here and there where the Reception is quiet and I can do something more complicated and needing concentration or something that is suited to picking up and putting down in between talking to visitors, answering the phone or whatever else it is needing my attention. I don't need to think about this, it's just what makes sense to me.
I've had a really big choice to make recently and I've been flipping from one choice to the other, not knowing which option would be best in the long term for me and my family. Both are good options, neither is really better than the other and in terms of happiness and fulfilment, both options are equally viable.
One option will see me trying something new. It will see me do something slightly out of my comfort zone to start with, but still close enough to territory that I'm familiar with, that I'm comfortable with, that I can grow into and is something I had long term plans for.
The other option will see me stick with the familiar. It will see me firmly in my comfort zone, occasionally trying something new but is still something that I could grow into more and something that whilst I never had long term plans for, could be something that develops into more in a few years.
I really wish that someone else could decide this for me.