Structural Realism And Its Role In Parenting - What You Want To Read

A few days months ago, I asked my friends on Facebook if they were to read a blog post written by me, what would they like it to be about? This is one of the posts, based on those suggestions.

Structural Realism And Its Role In Parenting

Yeah. Thanks Alex.

Do you know that one of the reasons that this blog post has taken so long is because I've been reading up on Structural Realism? That's right, Alex made me go to the library and get out a book just so I could write this post. And I know he was being funny when he suggested the post, but I promised not only myself, but also the readers of this here blog that if they asked me to write on something I would.

Only it turns out that the joke's on him.

Structural Realism is rather interesting and after a bit of research. I understand how it does have a role in parenting. Okay. So if you're like me you probably don't know what Structural Realism is. Go read the Wiki article because to honest it's complicated imho. Yet, what I think it means relating to Parenting is the following.

In a family, anarchy is the most like to be the norm. However, because of each person in the family wanting to survive, they will endeavour to protect themselves to the point where they are the most dominant with nobody really trusting anyone else.

Now, even though the needs in the family are almost identical, the ability to acquire these needs are not. Some members of the family have skills more suited to fulfilling some needs and others have skills for other needs. The skills are not always seen as being equal however, therefore the members of the family are less likely to want to work together to achieve the goals unless alliances are formed.

The Children have most definitely formed an alliance against me.


Yeah, I think I lost myself for a minute there too.

The way that I see it, is that when two adults join together they start to co-exist. They have formed an alliance. Where both adults are of course looking out for themselves, but at the same time they are also wanting the other adult to survive too and so they use their skills, their ability to fulfill needs to fulfill their own and that of their partner.

Then you add in Children.

This is where it can get complicated. Now, the alliance you have between the two adults changes. Now, there is a third (or fourth or fifth or sixth etc) party that is reliant on you both. And whilst the Children are babies this is relatively easy to fill their needs.

As the Children get older, they develop skills. It might be that they can feed themselves, that they can make a sandwich or an evening meal, they might even get a job and buy food for themselves! However the Children, because of the nature of survival, are selfish. They want for themselves only and it's hard to teach them to think of others.

But that's what we must do.

We have to teach our Children that despite how they may think they are the most important thing in the world, actually they aren't.

Everyone is important.

Everyone has a right.

Everyone deserves to be treated kindly, with respect. With love.

And so to answer the question that Alex sort of asked with regards to the role of Structural Realism and its role in parenting.

It's role is to ensure survival.

It's role is to allow our Children to grow.

It's role is to be there so our Children can have support.

Our role as Parents however is to ensure that our Children understand that because they have been given much, they too must give.